parenting

Round 2

amanda — Thu, 22 Jan 2009 14:22:13 +0200

We are going to be parents again (for those of you who don't already know)! I'm already in my 21st week and don't know how the last 5 months have flown by without me writing about this exciting news. Actually, I do know - I spent the first trimester feeling very nauseous as morning sickness stretched out over the whole day and I pretty much lay in one spot on the couch feeling tired and grumpy. Then one day, as if late for another appointment, the morning sickness packed its bags and sped out of town and I leapt up from my spot with renewed energy and all kinds of wonderful cravings.

Since then we have moved into our new house and have felt quite settled for a while even though we've only been here for a month and a half. It has 2 bedrooms, so is smaller than our last place, but the living areas are so much nicer (and the bathrooms are infinitely better!). The ceilings in the bedrooms are a lot taller so the rooms feel more spacious. And the cupboard space! I'm in heaven.

We are also unfolding back into our routines and rhythms of daily life after a long period of visitors and holidays and family and Christmas and all the busyness this time of year usually brings. Its been wonderful to have spent time with so many friends and family in the last months. Needless to say, Finley has been thoroughly spoilt on all sides, relishing all the love and attention coming his way.

And now for the first time, really, since I peed on that fateful stick, I'm able to be still for long enough to start mindfully focusing on this new life we're about to welcome into our family.

Its a different kind of excitement this time round, something familiar and new at the same time. I've felt a bit guilty that this baby isn't getting nearly as much attention in utero as Finley did, but I guess to some extent, that's the fate of the second child. Life with a 2 year old is so full of energy, whether its physical, mental or emotional, here are a few examples...

"More daddy, throw me up high!" says the 14kg boy after the 30th throw.

"Watch mama. Look at Inney" as he jumps off the couch, twisting his body in midair only to land with squeals of delight on the weary but ever-faithful beanbag.

I never thought that watching your child climb up the stairs of the highest slide in the park all by himself would make me want to cry big fat proud tears of joy (maybe its all those pregnancy hormones). His confidence has also grown alongside his strength and dexterity and I see it playing out as he encourages George and baba (his dolls) to try new things.

In the last four months his sentences have grown into paragraphs and we're often still amused by the running commentary that takes place in the Whijo house. Lately he's started incorporating words like 'also', 'only', 'just', 'maybe' and 'nevermind' into his communication. To the untrained ear it might not sound like much, since his pronunciation and his unique accent can get in the way, but to this mama it still amazes me everyday. His use of language is quickly moving from the black and white subject-verb-object to all the colours of the rainbow. And watching his understanding of the world around him develop and the relationships that exist therein, is really inspiring. It's making me see beauty in the simplest of things and is teaching me so much about being present so we can enjoy these discoveries together.

The stereotypical tantrums and meltdowns have also arrived and although we are all learning how to deal with them and work through them in our own ways, it still takes a lot of emotional energy.

Finley is so in love with this baby already and even though I'm preparing for the possibility that things might not stay that way when the reality of a screaming, wriggly little baby moves into our house, its quite hard to imagine him changing from the caring and affectionate big brother he's turning into it. He talks to my belly and shows the baby (belly) things he's doing and playing with. Not to mention all the hugs and kisses and squeezes he showers on him/her that are starting to become uncomfortable, but that I don't want to discourage at the same time.

Our days are full and at the best of times I find it hard to imagine where and how this new little person will fit into our lives, but I guess all families wonder the same thing with subsequent additions. All I know is that there's plenty of love floating about and everything else will fall in place around that. On the other hand, if anyone has some practical tips and advice on life with a toddler and newborn, I'd be happy to hear it!

Sleep is for the week

brad — Mon, 24 Sep 2007 21:15:01 +0200

A few months ago Mandy posted about Finley and his sleep habits, how we were acquiring a copy of Elizabeth Pantley's No-Cry Sleep solution. We acquired the book, we started a routine, things improved a bit; when I say improved I mean we went from waking every hour to waking every two hours. Everything got a bit muddled when we went to Durban last month. I went for a week, and Mandy and Finley stayed on for another two weeks. Finley is almost 10 months old now, and crawling, drooling, and babbling like a mad man.

Our first night in Durban was terrible, we spent most of the night awake (at one stage I think Mandy even slept on the floor for a bit). We were fools when we arrived in Durban, our brains hazy with delight, wallowing in the warmth of the spring evening. We left the windows wide open, to enjoy the delicious air, and let every mosquito in the greater eThekwini area join us for the night. Finley made it clear he was unhappy about the combination of mozzies, eczema, and double bed (we normally sleep on a queen, not complaining, just observing).

We were buggered, ready to palm the child off to the nearest family member and sleep until tomorrow. Then something strange happened on the second night, Fin slept pretty well. We attributed it to our newly acquired Comfry lotion (Dr. Dwyer advised us to A) give Finley carrots and apples, and B) get hold of comfry lotion). Each night was better and better, Finley slept for longer periods, his eczema was improving, and the techniques from the Pantly book were working like a charm. By the end of the trip Finley was falling asleep like clockwork at 6:30pm, waking two to three times during the night, and being in very good spirit.

We attributed his previous wakings to the emergence of his first teeth and his itchy eczema. We were winning the war that has no name, and is waged in new parents bedrooms across the world. By the time Mandy and Finley returned to Grahamstown his eczema had become almost negligible, he was falling asleep like clockwork, sleeping like clockwork, and we were ready to open a new chapter. Plans change in a heartbeat.

Finley broke out in eczema within minutes of arriving in PE, and it got steadily worse over the next few days, the comfry cream gave minor relief, but nothing more. Eczema was back, and throwing a party on Fin's tummy and back.

We wrote off the first night of wakings to bad debts since we figured he was getting used to Grahamstown again, getting used to two parents in his bed, calming down from the stress of travel, etc. But, two weeks on, and Finley is back to his pre-Durban sleep pattern, waking almost every hour. Except now he can crawl, so if he wakes up enough then he wants to move around a bit, which is not as fun as it sounds. Mandy is like a zombie warrior, sorting him out at night. I am not quite the zombie she is (since I sleep through every second wake up, and fall asleep in a heartbeat), but 9pm is the end of me.

We have started a new phase though, trying to get him out of our bed, so at least we have space to sleep and cuddle, even if it is disturbed. We have put our mattress on the floor, and made a side bed for Finley, with the eventual plan to have him in a cot once he is sleeping better. Tonight is the second night with this new set up, and hopefully we are on a course of improved sleep. Both of us are going a bit potty with the lack of sustained sleep, and some days can be real challenging. We are not alone though, at least two other families in our antenatal group have pretty much the same story to tell, so we are not alone (yay).

This whole situation gives one respect for parents across the world (including my own), it is the knowing look that we give each other, the understanding nod. The parent club can be rough to get into, and kids don't come with warning labels (although you should piece it together within minutes of hearing that special newborn cry that reeks of icecream headaches). Love spreads far though, and having a peek over the mountain during the Durban period gives me hope. The most sage advice I have heard so far is that "Every stage has it's challenges", and I know his next stage will bring special challenges, but I think I can say I am ready for this challenge to be replaced. His cuteness wins a lot of points though, so I think we are on an even keel.

Finley the crawler

brad — Sat, 01 Sep 2007 11:56:33 +0200

Amanda is in Durban at the moment, visiting family (read showing off Finley). Just before we left for Durban on August 20th Finley had started get the hang of starting to crawl, well, he could "step" forward like three steps and then sit on his bum, while moaning and complaining continuously.

After a few days in Durban (I think it is the warm air) he was really getting the hang of it (so much so that we could leave him on the floor with toys splayed around, and he would amuse himself). The realisation of the impact of a crawling child dawned on us when we were trying to put him down for a nap one time (when possible me and Mandy lie on either side of him while she feeds him to sleep, this is the result of his separation anxiety phase which he is currently moving through). As we were trying to get him to sleep he kept rolling over, pushing himself onto his hands and knees, and crawling to the edge of the bed.

Mandy described the situation quite nicely in an email she sent me last night:

BUT. It took me about 10 minutes to change his nappy tonight. Once I take his dirty nappy off, before I can put the new nappy on, he flips onto his tummy, gets onto hands and knees and crawls away laughing. He does it really quickly and I can see that changing nappies is never going to be the same again. He can also sit up from lying down on his back without rolling onto his tummy first. Which means putting him to sleep has become increasingly difficult. He just sits up and does what he wants to. His crawling speed has also accelerated. So if you can, please try and do some childproofing before we get home.

I am a bit scared.

Mandy also took Finley to uShaka Marine World and said "Then we went to the Aquarium and he was quite sleepy and was a little frightened by the fish at first, but soon warmed up to them. He especially like the huge sea turtles.". It is quite nice to hear he is warming up to stuff a lot quicker, our week in durban bombarded him with people, places, and plenty of new things, most of which he did not have an immediate appreciation for: