Social norms on teh internets

brad — Wed, 03 Sep 2008 08:12:39 +0200

So, I have been on teh internets for a while, I have been a member of many mailinglists, chatted on irc, etc. etc. So maybe I have a more attuned sense of the social norms of the internet. Years ago a bunch of script kiddies had a mailing list called KiDDiESoc, KiDDiESoc was great, at it's peak it had traffic in the region of 100 messages per day. Between maybe 15 people. Many of these messages were what can only be called spam. Spam and baggy pantsing. We had arguments about top, bottom, and inline posting. We argued, we joked, but mostly, (in my opinion) it was a space to share ideas, and explore the social norms of electronically mediated discussion and socialisation. There were other good things, but for me, we all definitely learned how to be better internet citizens for it. Lessons like:

Be as clear as possible in what you write (especially when arguing) because a lot of subtlety is lost when reading characters on a blinking terminal
Be respectful of people's boundaries, because it is a lot easier to overstep the mark
Try to remain calm and don't vent against someone personally if you are annoyed at their argument
Try at all times to keep the signal to noise ratio as high as possible

There are many more that exist, are unspoken, or are jotted down in RFCs and random pages on the intertubes. What I am getting at is that, like my finely tuned sense of justice, I have a finely tuned sense of the social norms that dictate my interactions on the web.

In a few days time the Digital Citizens Indaba is happening in Grahamstown. Last year I was involved in the indaba, and so my name would have been associated with it (quite possibly on a facebook group or something). So a few weeks ago a guy by the name of With Held* sent me a friend request, with a note saying "Hi there ,I'M looking forward in seeing you at the Digital Citizen Indaba this year.I will be coming with Ramon Thomas.". Now, I am not a fan of Ramon Thomas you are welcome to google him, and look at his website, and even meet him to create your own opinions. Either way, that friend request annoyed me, because it was unsolicited, and, if we deconstruct "friend request" we see that it contains the word "friend". According to that wikipedia link, "'Friendship' is a term used to denote co-operative and supportive behavior between two or more beings". I do not claim that every "friend" on my "friend list" is exactly in that box, but both people involved in those transactions have deemed the relationship as mutually beneficial, and justified. I have never met With Held, I probably will never meet With Held, I am not friends with the person he mentions, and I am not attending the event he mentions (and I personally know a few other people who got the same friend request from With Held, who are in exactly the same position as me). So, if we look at it, he is sending unsolicited, unjustified, non-mutually beneficial, "friend requests" to Random people on facebook. In a way, that sounds like something else I am familiar with. SPAM. Gracefully, I ignored his friend request. Then, yesterday, he sent another one. Which pissed me off. I vented, I channeled, and I may have broken some of the rules I mentioned above, when I sent him this message (Amanda said I should have stopped after the second sentence or so, but I needed to get my point across):

Hi,

I am not going to the DCI, and, while Ramon Thomas may think it is a good idea to "network" with facebook, you are using tactics that are commonly used by spammers. I am not your friend, I have not ever met you, and I probably won't ever meet you. You are breaking social norms, and if everyone on the internet broke accepted social norms, then no one would want to use the internet. It is quite ironic that you are attending the digital citizens indaba, and yet you clearly have no idea what social norms exist in the digital medium.

I know multiple people you have tried to friend, and your behaviour verges on harassment. When I IGNORED your friend request, please RESPECT ME, and back THE FUCK OFF.

So, I feel like the last sentence probably was a little harsh, but, hands up who is tired of spammers and people who think the internet has vastly different rules that govern it?

* Names changed to protect the identity of the person