birthday

The beginning: Finley's birth story, part 4

amanda — Wed, 13 Aug 2008 14:13:02 +0200

So back to the birth story...

30 November 2006, 7.30am
We phoned Liza a little bit later in the morning to keep her in the loop with the progress. Contractions were still irregular so she told us to come through to Ballito for a check-up. I remember Nadine being worried about us driving all the way out there since things can progress quite quickly. But I told her that contractions were still quite irregular and that active labour hadn't started – I was still in phase 1.

The car ride was awful. Before that, when the contractions came, I was at least mobile and could find a comfortable position, but in the car, stuck to the seat, turning, braking, bumps in the road – certainly made me feel a lot worse.

I remember getting into an argument with Brad about whether we should fill up petrol first or go and see Liza first. I was so uncomfortable with the contractions in the car, I just wanted to get to Liza for her to tell me that everything would be okay. But we ended up filling petrol first! Who knows, if we didn't fill up petrol we might not have made it to Liza in the first place. And a labouring woman on the side of the road was definitely not what we wanted.

She examined me and I was about 2cm dilated. I had kinda hoped for more! One of those scenes where you think you still have so far to go and then you find out you're actually almost there. No such luck, I'm afraid! She wanted me to see Dr McLynn (our backup gynae) to do a CTG to get a bassline reading for how Fin was dealing with the contractions. We went home first to get things ready – we hadn't even set up the pool yet! We were only expecting his arrival in 2 weeks time after all.

I don't really remember was happened in those next few hours. We went to Brad's mom's house to get some extra towels, Brad set up the pool and I think I helped get the room ready. Hester had put out some lovely fruit for me to snack on, which helped keep my energy levels up. Luckily Andy my cousin, was there as well and helped us get everything ready.

We went to McLynn's (oh no, another car ride) and I thought a CTG was a 5 minute procedure. Instead, I needed to be hooked up to the machine for 45 minutes - lying on my back dealing with what felt like intense contractions. When the doctor came in to examine the results, I remember him saying something like 'Well you aren't even in real labour yet (active labour) and you are only 3cm dilated!'. Not real labour?! So these contractions are supposed to be mild??!! Time was not on our side since my waters had broken at 1am, we had a 24 hour window before the risk of infection arose. And with the way things were progressing, I wasn't dilating quick enough and it didn't look like we would be having a natural home water birth. He said that things could still change, but that I also needed to prepare myself since the chance of having a caesarian section was quite high.

I was devastated.

The beginning: Finley's birth story, part 3

amanda — Wed, 13 Aug 2008 13:41:52 +0200

Liza welcomed us into the apartment. It was a rental she used for meeting clients in Durban since her practice was in Ballito. We sat down and she offered us some tea. Before it was cool enough to drink, I knew that she would be the one to assist us in our home birth.

When she talked to us it felt like she was trying to get to know us, not just take down our medical history. And when she asked me how I was feeling, she didn't just mean physically. She wanted to know how the pregnancy was effecting our relationship and how we were both handling it. I came armed with my lists of questions (as you do when interviewing prospective caregivers) and didn't even need to pull them out. She put me at ease about all the things I was worried about. And it was so refreshing to speak to someone who felt the same way that we did - that birth was a natural and normal process and not something that needed to be controlled in a hospital environment.

I was so relaxed during the examination, and so impressed by her thoroughness. Not only did she do the usual height, weight, pee on a stick, blood pressure check, etc, but she checked my alignment to see what my posture was like, she palpated my belly and could tell me which way he was lying. I was so impressed at this ancient skill that could derive all this information like how many weeks pregnant I was, how big he was, all without any ultrasound technology, just by touch, incredible.

My weightless shoulders sang with joy at the relief of finding Liza and knowing that our plan for a home birth in Durban was going ahead. She had given us a list of what we needed for the birth, I was going to be back in Durban around 35 weeks and we made an appointment to meet with her then.

The beginning: Finley's birth story, part 2

amanda — Sun, 06 Jul 2008 15:27:59 +0200

Part 2

So before I carry on with the birth story, here is a bit of background information for those of you who don't already know.

We were living in Grahamstown and had spent a few months trying to find a midwife who was willing to do a home birth. My sister-in-law had a home birth with my niece earlier that year and that definitely planted the seed in my mind. After doing extensive research into the subject including reading Frederick Leboyer's views on what birth (in a hospital environment) is actually like for the baby, I had my heart set on a home water birth. Unfortunately, finding a midwife/doctor in the Eastern Cape who was willing to do a home birth with a first-time mom was impossible. The next best option would be to find an active birthing unit or birth centre. If I recall correctly, the closest thing we could find was in a hospital in PE (1.5 hr drive away from Grahamstown) which had a water birth facility but after speaking to various nurses and midwives they all told me that it was hardly used because the doctors discouraged the patients from using them since they (ob/gyns) weren't very experienced in delivering babies in/through water.

So back to square one. My mom had a friend who had 2 home births in Durban and had put me in touch with the midwife who had assisted her in delivery. Brad and I are both from Durban and both our families still live there. My parents were still living in the same house that I was brought home from the hospital to, that I grew up in, and even if I couldn't have a home birth in my own home in Grahamstown, this was the next best thing. Of course I had to make sure that they were all okay with the whole home birth idea and had to accept that although they were supportive, they had their concerns. I tried to pass on as much information as I could that helped them to realise that birthing your baby at home was the most common, natural way to give birth in the whole world. It also helped that my sister-in-law had a home birth earlier that same year, so they had already accepted that this was a safe and responsible option.

We had planned a trip to Durban in August for my cousin's (the same one who is now pregnant) wedding (I was about 6 months pregnant) and I had made an appointment to see the midwife while we were there. I remember that first visit so clearly. It was a windy day and we were meeting her at an apartment near the beach front. We had borrowed Brad's dad's Pajero and I remember negotiating the big step down onto the pavement with my big belly, trying not to let my skirt blow up over my head. I was nervous and excited as we pressed the button on the elevator door and rode up 9 floors to meet her.

The beginning: Finley's birth story, part 1

amanda — Fri, 04 Jul 2008 13:47:31 +0200

Two of my closest friends and my cousin are all pregnant. They vary from 13 weeks to 28 weeks to 40 weeks and are all in Joburg, which makes me a little sad because I would love to have seen them during this magical time in their lives. It's also made me the teeniest bit envious and enormously broody. Brad insists that if I remember my pregnancy correctly I would never want to be pregnant again. And he does have a point. I've quickly forgotten about the nausea and tiredness of the first trimester and the frequent peeing and sore back of the second trimester. And that uncomfortable beached whale feeling of carrying a full term baby is certainly not the first thing that comes to mind when I fantasize about being pregnant. Its all the romantic stuff of seeing that little heart beat for the first time, and feeling the baby's movement growing from light butterfly tickles to all-out Tekken style kick-punch combos that makes me so nostalgic. And in all this nostalgia, I've been thinking a lot about his birth and I've only just now realised that I have never published Fin's birth story before, so here goes.

Part 1

The baby shower was on Saturday and in the end it all went off really well. Hannah, Mo, Ali and Pippa drove down for the weekend and after the shower we all went up to Ballito to spend the night at Pippa's family's flat. The next morning we went for a swim. The water was 'fresh' and I only managed a quick dip in the ocean. The clouds arrived on the scene and even with all Mo's willing and intentions they remained, stubbornly, in front of the warm sun. We then went for breakfast at Gareth and Bonnie's new B&B. I was at the start of my 38th week and as we left and said goodbye little did we know that only a few days later the little Bean would be born.

29 November 2006, Wednesday
By Wednesday night I was feeling quite tired and crampy and the Braxton hicks contractions were coming every six minutes or so. I didn't think anything of it, after all, we were two weeks away from our due date and the contractions weren't getting any more intense or frequent so I just went to bed early.

30 November 2006, 1:00am Thursday morning
I woke up needing to pee. By now, very used to this middle of the night disturbance, I levered my ginormous body out of bed, waddled down the passage and then a minute later, waddled back to bed. Ten minutes later I needed the loo again. Still, at this point, there were no alarm bells ringing in my head and everything seemed perfectly normal. Five minutes later, the same urge, only this time on my way back to our room, I heard/felt a little pop and then a trickle of water run down my legs. I was confused at first ('Has my incontinence become this bad??'), but when the trickled persisted, I immediately woke Brad up with “I think my water's just broken”.

I stood in the bath while Brad sat on the toilet next to me ringing Liza our midwife. We told her what was happening, that the contractions were still very irregular and she advised that I have some chamomile tea and try and get some rest. Yeah, right. You are in labour and you are going to see this precious baby that you have nutured and loved for the last 9 months for the first time and get to hold him and smell him. This life changing event, the moment you have been waiting for has now begun. Now try and get some sleep! Well, in the end I think I managed a couple hours before waking up again.

Brad couldn't resist and smsed his family to let them know what was happening. I didn't want to wake up Hester and Harold (my parents) since they would worry needlessly and them getting a good night's sleep would help me more later in the day anyway.

I remember Hester coming through from her room in the morning and I called to her. She popped her head in our room to ask if we wanted tea and I told her I was in labour and that my water had broken. She couldn't believe how calm I was! She told me that when she was in labour she was alone in a hospital room, terrified, trying to read through a book on how to handle being in labour but she just kept reading the same line over and over again. Harold wasn't even allowed to be in the room with her! In contrast I had my family all around me, I was at home, I felt safe and loved and I just remember feeling so excited.

Part 2 to follow soon...

A birthday boy (and girl)

brad — Mon, 03 Dec 2007 16:27:00 +0200

We hit a milestone on saturday, Finley turned 1 year. Mandy started the build up with a blow by blow account starting on the 30 November (although, her dedication was not 100%, since she didn't wake me up at 1am). We threw a party out at Alex and Ed's (and Rupa and Jasmin) house, since it is a very beautiful, hand made, cob house, outside of town. Rupa and Finley missed sharing a birth day by a few hours, but Alex and Mandy did share a 1am water breaking (not sure of what the appropriate name is).

The day was lovely, and I will let the pictures speak for the event (Kyle claims pictures speak a thousand words, so this post is a ten-thousand-and-some-change word post). But first, here is a picture of Fin at 7:30am on his birthday, with the lovely push car thing that Anne gave Fin.

And now, the rest of the party (in no particular order):

And, finally, both the families, in one picture:

Just Another Weekend

brad — Mon, 13 Dec 2004 18:43:19 +0200

I hopped in a car on friday morning, populated by family friends of Emily Stockil, and skeedled off to the berg for a fantastic weekend. All was in order to celebrate Emily's coming of age, her 21st birthday.

It might have been when we sat under the marquee in the garden, it might have been when we went for an after dark walk, it might even have been when we were all crawling around the bush playing stalk the lantern, but the realisation that Johannesburg and cities suck a lot dawned on me. I realised only when I was sitting in the outdoors how much I have missed being outside. I realised that I need to go and camp and climb somewhere awesome and beautiful for a bit to let my soul have a quick chat to the earth that seems to have been hidden so long ago in the concrete and tarmac of the dustbowl. Maybe it was the company, maybe it was the orange skirt I wore for my outfit, either way, the weekend was as magical as Emily's invite proclaimed.

It was particularly nice to have people around whom I love, and I could just spend time with and give them a hug when the urge grabbed. It was also nice to go and see some of the stunning little alcoves and waterfalls that fill the berg.

It was also something different to spend the weekend away from Amanda, as this is the first time since we started the game of boys and girls that we have in fact not spent the weekend together. I even tried to turn my phone off for the weekend, to avoid rancid couple cute things, and yet I did end up messaging away on saturday night, before I crawled into bed. We are investing in each other more and more, and the sad thing is it will make leaving johannesburg in Jan (after Mozambique, and xmas by durban) that much harder. But we decided to see if we can pursue a relationship from across the provincial borders.

It is going to be yet another matter to deal with my conservative white family, who have expressed concerns already, but hopefully it will be a positive learning experience for all. If not, i guess that is just Life being Life.

One more thing...I am going to make a concerted effort to start doing more writing exercises on my own, with the eventual product of a book by the end of next year, or sooner. I am already forming an idea of what kind of text I want to lay down, it is now simply a matter of getting a bit of practice, and working through some concepts.

On a related note, I am reading "Everything is illuminated" by Jonathan Safran Foer, and it is categorically fantastic.